i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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