I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
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Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
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I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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