Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
