we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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