I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
