i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
