Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
