After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
