Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
