the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im holly from the hills drunk
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The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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