I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
