The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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