He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
