Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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