I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
