I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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