We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
