I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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