she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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