Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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