textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize