..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
