Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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