All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
