so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
