When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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