Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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