Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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