no, he came in my armpit
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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