I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i love accidental penises.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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