Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
