I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
