Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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