and next time when you feel me up, do it right
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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