anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
