Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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