if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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