yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
