I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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