Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize