mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
