i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
