you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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