She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
