why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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