so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
