So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
