Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
