He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
