he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
