I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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