Only a mothe r could love this liver
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Someone shattered a urinal.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
