I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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