Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
