my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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