Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
