$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
