You can't special order awesome
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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