if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
