Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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