Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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