At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
