I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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