dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Congratulations! We have a period
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