I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
