Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
