69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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