is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
